


love will be the key

by bluhen



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: 'why do you keep writing soft recovery fics with these two' oh... you know, M/M, 君は俺の周りで安全です。だから; お願い; もう怖がってはいけない。
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-06 14:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluhen/pseuds/bluhen
Summary: you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you,like a prayer for which no words exist,and you feel your heart taking root in your body,like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.





	love will be the key

**Author's Note:**

> summary is by richard siken because im unoriginal and cheesy as hell  
> i think theres a lot of talking to be done. this is a little of it, and that's all it is, really. it's been sitting in my wips for like half a year i'm tired of looking at it

He was lucky, wasn't he? to be with someone so warm, so compassionate. But it always burned in his headーdid he deserve it? Ciel would tell him something sappy, like ‘all of me and more,’ but something in his head rang that it was untrue. But Ciel would never lie to him… Still, what if he was just preserving his feelings? He was a pathetic excuse for a man, practically falling apart at the seams, why should anyone ever love him?

Raven is jolted out of his thoughts by the feeling of weight shifting to his right. His eyes go wide when he sees Ciel placing his hand palm-to-palm with that of his Nasod arm.

“Noーyou’llー” Raven wants to pull his arm away, but hesitates when he realizes he’d likely hurt Ciel for sure that way. He goes stock-still, too afraid to move with Ciel near his arm like this.

Ciel simply smiles. (raven can’t believe it, doesn’t he realize he’s putting himself in danger?)

“Look, I’m holding your hand. And I’m not getting hurt, am I? Nothing burns, and you’re not cutting me.” His smile grows, and with it his face softens. “Listen… I understand how you feel… being scared of hurting the people you come to love. But... this is proof that you could never hurt me! I know… I know it’ll take a while. And, I’m not you. I don’t know firsthand everything you’ve been through. But from now on... Together… Letting yourself be open around me would be nice, y’know?”

Raven barely knows how to react. Eventually, he decides on nervously kissing Ciels cheek. Ciel giggles lightly.

“So is that a yes?”

Raven nods apprehensively, and Ciel pets his hair and kisses him back. “Good! I’m looking forward to it, then.” His smile is big and bright, and Ravens eyes are even wider.

“Then… we stay like this?”

“Do you want to?”

“Yes… I like being close to you. I’m… sorry I pushed you away before.”

Ciel nuzzles his cheek before kissing it again. “It’s fine. I understand completely.”

“Do you…?”

“Well…” He cocks his head a bit. “Maybe I don’t understand entirely how you feel, but I understand why you were scared of being close to me. So it’s okay, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah.” Ciel grins at Raven mimicking his lax tone.

“You’re so cute.”

“Cute?!”

“Yeah!”

“I am not… cute. Why would I be cute?”

“Well…” Ciel starts. “‘Cos your heart’s beating pretty fast, for one thing.” he murmurs into Ravens neck, amusement lining his tone. Raven hums.

“You… do that to me.” He says, and Ciel leans back enough to raise an eyebrow at him.

“I do?”

“...Yes. Frequently.”

Ciel hums, leans back in to press a light kiss to Ravens neck, and Ravens hand fidgets and squeezes on Ciels shirt. “I need to tell you something,” Raven says, and it comes out a whisper he didn’t intend.

Ciel leans back again, this time separating himself entirely from Ravens body so they’re face to face. His expression is tinted with concern that makes his features droop and soften. “Of course. You can tell me anything, if you’re comfortable.”

Ravens hand glides over Ciels, taking hold of it now that it’d fallen from his back. “I… I love you.”

“I'd hope you do,” Ciel chuckles archly, and brings Ravens hand up to kiss the back of it.

“No, Ciel, IーI _love_ you.” He repeats it, and Ciel looks into his eyes and his heart skips a beat when he sees how dead serious Raven is.

“I… love you too, Raven.” He smiles softly at him, but it fades slowly when it isn't returned. “Is something wrong?”

“No, it'sー“ Raven sighs. “You'll… probably think this is ridiculous,” Ciel shakes his head, but Raven keeps going, “I didn't ever think… I would be _able_ to... _love_ again.” His head falls forward and comes to rest on Ciels shoulder. He closes his eyes when he feels a gentle hand stroking his hair. “Being with you feels so… natural. So much so that I hardly even realized.”

Ciels eyes soften. “I don't think it's ridiculous at all. I never… saw myself as the ‘falling in love’ type either, but…” He laughs, airy and warm. “Here I am. ...Falling more in love with you every day, I think.” He feels his cheeks warm at how sappy what he just said was, but he also feels Raven burying his face into his neck, and smiles. He’s rather cute when he's embarrassed.

“I didn'tーYou've made me feel like I can live again. Like I can live with myself, ifーif it's with you.” Raven murmurs into his collar.

Ciel hums, pulls Ravens head back to kiss his forehead. “And that makes me happier than I can say.” He can feel his heart fluttering. He knows how hard words are for Raven, and can’t help but think about how he must have amped himself up for this, practicing it beforehand. It makes him smile.

His Nasod arm hangs loosely at his side, something he's trained himself into. He has to make a conscious effort to relax it, he'd explained to Ciel one night, which had drawn a laugh out of him. ‘I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous, but if I don't, I end up knocking things over or breaking them and getting scolded by Rena. _Again_.’ (and they laugh, and ciel attempts to freeze the smile on ravens face forever, like a framed photo in his mind.)

He’s suddenly snapped out of his reminiscing by a hand tight around his arm. Ravens head hasn’t left his collar, and when Ciel finally notices a noise from him, it’s muffled by his shirt.

“Honey?” He gets no response, and decides to pull him away as gently as he can and try again. “...Raven, are you crying…? What’s wrong?”

Raven doesn’t say anything. Ciel doesn’t know what to do when this happens, and panic starts to rise in his chest. “Is there something I can do…? Anything at all?”

Raven hesitates. He doesn’t speak for a few moments, and when he does, his voice is quiet, unbefitting of him to anyone else, but loved dearly by Ciel. However… not in this tone.

Ciel feels a warm arm wrap around his waist, softly, with hardly any force behind it. “Can we… for a while, can we just…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, just falls back into Ciels neck and sobs harder, shaking against him. Ciel hugs Raven closer to him, moving to pet his hair.

They stay like this for a while, Ciel gently shushing Raven until he calms down enough that he feels comfortable asking again, “Are you alright?”

This time, Raven pauses, then chokes out, “You still love me, even though I’m… like a _monster_.

After Seris, I… I never thought I could… I thought I would always be met with disgust if I even _tried_ to be close to anyone.”

“Oh, darling…” Ciel mutters, tearing up along with him. He tries his best not to join in the waterworks with him, but seeing his beloved in this state pushes him over the edge.

“Darling, I’m so sorry… I...” He sniffs, and plants a kiss on Ravens forehead after brushing his hair back. “I’ve never once viewed you as anything but wonderful. Breathtaking and beautiful. I... “ He chokes up again, unable to stop everything from pouring forth at once. “I can’t imagine how much you’ve hurt, and I’m so sorry you’ve… had to go through it all alone.”

Ravens face only tightens further, as if he's going to start bawling, but doesn't. He simply falls back into his position against Ciels shoulder, returning his embrace this time.

It's unusual of him to act like this. Ciel wonders if these are things that have been on his mind for a while. The phrase ‘poor thing’ floats up when he thinks about if that thought of being a 'monster' had been eating away at him. No, Raven didn't deserve to be babied like that. But, still… He couldn't help but feel bad for him…

“I'm sorry.” Raven mutters.

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I shouldn't beー”

Ciel shushes him. “What'd I just say?”

“...It’s pitiful of me.”

Ciel scoffs. “Nonsense. It was good of you to tell me. Heyー” Ciel tilts his chin up to look at him, and, tone quieter now, with a smile that looks odd on a tearstained face, “All the times I’ve cried into your chest, all the times I’ve opened up my heart to youーwere those pitiful of _me_?”

“...Alright, alright, I get your game.” Ravens eyes fall closed, gentle, resigned. He looks so… tired, Ciel thinks, but at least not so stressed anymore. It’s a somewhat familiar feeling, enough for Ciel to recognizeーyou always got tired after the well of things you bottle up finally breaks, don't you? He takes the opportunity to kiss him.

Ravens hand rests on Ciels hips, and Ciel melts into him. It's warm, something he'd missed for a long timeーhe'd had flings before he met Lu, but being with Raven was secure, safe. It felt _real_ , for oneーit was wonderful. Real and comfortable _love_. Raven breaks off from him, just to kiss his cheek, his jawline. Ciel remembers something he'd said onceー’I want to make sure you feel how much I love you,’ etched into his mindーand feels the burn in his ears. It makes something bubble up in his chest, though, and he can't help but let a laugh spill out. It only gets worse when he sees Ravens smile.

“What, was something of all that funny?” He asks. His tone has gotten softer. It warms Ciels heart.

“No, no, you just make me happy. Very, very happy.”

Ravens face softens. It's charming. “Yes?”

“Yes!”

“I… couldn’t possibly understand how, when I’m like this.” Ciel makes a face at him, and he adds, “ーbut I’mー”

Oh, no, he was choking up, now, “I'm very glad.”

 

\---

 

Lu finds them long after, getting tired of waiting for Ciel to come back (and finding that her room was very lonely and very cold without him, but you’d never get that out of her), wrapped up in each other. Were they awake, she would scowl in mock disgust (“ _you two are so gross_!” and they would laugh, probably).

But, now…

She wasn’t _totally_ a child. She could see Ravens ever-so-slightly red eyes, and while she didn’t know his troubles… she knew two things.

One, she could feel the weight on Ravens shoulders when she looked at him. She didn’t know what that weight was, and she wasn’t going to pry to askーhowever, she could tell it was heavy, and at times agonizing. There were times it bore down on him and she could only gaze from afar as Ciel took him into his arms and tried to lift it, futile as it was. (he must be special for ciel to treat him that way, huh?)

Two, she was painfully aware of the nights when Ciel would awake trembling like a leaf, trying (and failing) to smother his sobs through his hand. She knows it’s so as not to wake her up, so she won’t worry, and part of her wants to scold him for trying to hide his feelings and worries. The part of her that just wants to join him in crying and hug him always won over. They spend the rest of the morning latched together, all conversation happening through the contract as their voices are too exhausted from tears. The day starts at five o’clock in the morning, and they don’t mention it, and Ciel makes cake for breakfast.

So... maybe she understands. Just a bit.

Her last thought before pulling the long-discarded blanket over the both of them (and crawling under it with them, protectively scooting behind Ciel) goes something like “you two really are hopeless.”

The unanimous thought, however left unsaid, is “I love you.”


End file.
